Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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