just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
