At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
