I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
