I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
