so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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