Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
