she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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