Your face is a jimmy john
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
