1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
