What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
