Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
