I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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