I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
