I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
