The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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