Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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