I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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