Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
