two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
