I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
