Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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