I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
