It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
