Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
