I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
