You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
