We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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