Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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