I think i peed on brittanys purse
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
