nut hugger
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
