This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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