I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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