Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
