Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My life is pants optional.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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