a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
