Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
