He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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