you would pick up someone in the library
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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