I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
