hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
