where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
