As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
