Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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