i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
