am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
