This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
