i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
