I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize