we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
