ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
